Red rain.
Death touched her lips as she kissed her lover goodbye.
She tried not to touch his skin, knowing the coldness would chill her.
As it was, she still hadn't cried.
Nor had she decided who was in the better position.
The End.
I wrote that.
I'm a fucking poet.
When I'm not writing poems, I'm writing eulogies... mine.
- My First Mister - MEU PRIMEIRO HOMEM
My mother, a Shirley Partridge wannabe,
would like for me to go to dental school.
I can't imagine spending every day dealing with other people's spit.
Somehow, I just don't think I'm the type.
I think it's just horrible,
the amount of confusion and angst we teenage girls have to endure
regarding our apparel.
It takes a lot of time to mix and match.
So, I'm sitting in Creative Writing class, surrounded by alien creatures
with pretentious names like Ashley and Cody.
- Hi. - I'm not really into people.
Anyway, I think if everyone just drove the same car,
that it would put an end to envy and jealousy and carjackings.
- All right, Ash. - That's really good.
Thank you.
OK, Ashley. Thank you.
Let's see, who's next?
Jennifer Wilson.
I'm Jennifer Anne Wilson. My middle name is because someone is dead.
I don't have a passion for my name, so I call myself "J".
I don't see myself as a teenage girl or a woman,
I'm just the opposite of a boy.
J? Your bio was cool.
It moved me.
You look like one of those VJs they get off the street on MTV.
You totally rock.
You know, if I brought you home, my mum might haemorrhage.
Do you wanna go have sushi?
I'm a lesbian.
I'm OK with that.
Once, when I was fourteen, I thought I was a lesbian.
The question of my generation:
to dive or not to dive?
But, one day, my mum took me to her gym.
She put me in the steam room with women posing as elephants.
It cured me of doubt.
Now I masturbate to a picture of Freddie Prinze Jr.
I'm quite certain of my sexual preference.
I'm cooking a brisket for dinner tonight.
A woman needs to eat blood every now and again, she really does.
Oh, no. It's my musicals.
When I have a brand new hairdo
With my eyelashes all in curls
I think my mother was deeply affected by the divorce.
I enjoy being a girl
When men say I'm cute and funny
And my teeth aren't teeth but pearls
I just lap it up like honey
I enjoy being a girl
Stop that.
Dad, the sperm that bore me, cheated on Mom. Blah, blah, blah.
Mom remarried. I think his name is Bob.
Hi, Jennifer.
Surprise! Surprise, Jen.
Tomorrow's our big day.
Brisket in half an hour. Jen, it's best when it's hot.
Baby?
Brisket's ready.
Time to celebrate your graduation, honey.
Vintage TV rocks.
What I wouldn't give to live with The Partridge Family.
I think Shirley would really get me.
I like chocolate, it's dark and warm. Like what I imagine a hug would be like.
You wanna look like a dope, go ahead.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah!
I'll meet you at the table.
She's coming. It takes her a while, that's all.
Employment sucks. But I need enough cash to get my own place.
I need help, someone.
Hello!
Oh, thank God.
I got these pants caught on my earring. Bad pain.
- All right. - Do you have one?
No, not there.
You should get one. It makes sex amazing.
D'you have one here?
- No, not there either. - You don't know what you're missing.
Yep. Well, I'm not the one with a pair of dead man's pants hanging from my labia.
"It makes sex amazing, ow. "
Maybe I should get some more piercings.
I'm not busy.
What is sex, anyway?
If memory serves, technically I'm still a virgin.
There was this one day in third grade
when Matthew Kingsley came over and we played doctor.
He confused my vagina with my anus
and took my temperature with a fire engine-red crayon.
From then on, whenever I'd hear a siren, I'd giggle.
I never had a boyfriend. I don't know what I'd do with one if I did.
Guys like Calvin Klein G-string ad girls.
I wear boxers.
I once had an orgasm, though.
With myself.
I think.
I'm gonna go to hell anyway.
J. Yo, J.
Eulogy number 432.
She was loved by no one.
She chose indifference as her state of mind.
She leaves behind not even a memory
because she never existed.
That was a cheery one.
Hiya, Rudy.
Mabel.
Hey, Dorothy.
Irene.
Good news and bad news.
Good news: I didn't get caught for stealing.
Bad news: I got fired for farting.
So I decided to go where the real money is: The Century City Mall.
Damn.
Need a hand?
Thank you.
Thanks very much.
I was wondering...
There's a sign in the window. You need some help in your store?
Fuck you.
Asshole with a beer belly.
What did you say?
You think this is a beer belly?
- Yeah. - This is not a beer belly.
- Oh, no? - No.
Wanna see a beer belly?
That's a beer belly.
Thank you, mister.
I feel truly enlightened. Let me apologise for my crude, naive observation.
All right, great. Now, scram. Go, shoo.
Go get pierced, or whatever you do.
Get out. Why don't you get your eyeballs pierced?
What are you doing?
Reviewing my options.
You got options?
What is it you can do?
Anything.
OK.
Why don't you go home now, take the silverware out of your face,
come back in say a week, look like a person, and we'll talk.
But you really do have to go now, because...
...you're scaring the customers.
Boo.
- Honey, we're having leftovers. - Let me guess, brisket?
I can cook up something else for you. How about a nice vegetable soufflé.
Please come to the table. We could light those candles you like. Inspiration.
Jen...
Listen, I know you've been trying really hard to find a job.
But I was thinking,
maybe we could talk about college one more time, because....
Ode to my face jewellery metal.
Shiny, sharp.
Good pain I inflicted myself.
Jennifer, I can relate to what you're going through, honey.
Adorning my face where the smile used to be.
Once as a baby, when pain had no definition.
Now grown and alone.
My jewellery off. Naked again. Identity gone.
I had a dream last night that I had earrings all over my face.
I thought this looked really cool.
My maybe boss made a suggestion.
Maybe you should pierce your ears.
And I tell him...
That is so sick.
I'm keeping this one. Fuck him.
I think Bruce would love the way this feels, so soft, yet still masculine.
Well, I don't really know Bruce,
but if he'd like to feel it himself, I'll hold it for him.
What a dick! She'd do him right here in the daylight.
Take a look at this. These are 30% off...
Excuse me...
- Hello. - Hello.
You look better.
But in this store, we like to stand up. Come on.
Come on. Follow me, quickly.
What does your mother call you?
Jen, Jennifer, Jennykins, Lamb of my Loins...
All right. I'll just call you...J.
This is Jack, one of our best salesmen.
This is J, possibly our new stockroom girl.
- Jay... As in the bird? - Yes. Jack as in-the-box?
He's actually not bad looking,
for an older, overweight, undesirably aged male.
He has kind of a big butt for a guy.
This is a wall of shirts.
Everything in this store is colour-coded.
Button-down shirts, red. Tab collar, blue. French cuff, yellow.
This is very important.
The boy who worked here last didn't understand.
We do this because everything arrives in boxes.
You open it up... 'Cause a lot of times, what they say is not what's in the box...
Now, you open it up... See the tab... It's colour-coding, it's important....
Colour-coding saves time...
Hello, are you listening to me?
The ins and outs of being an idiot.
Yes, I've worked the stockroom before, sir.
Sir?
My master.
Randall.
Can I call you R?
Sure.
- Any questions, I'll be out front. - Yes, one question.
- Do I get the job? - Well, we're trying it out.
What is your cat's name?
- Black. - Of course.
He touched my tit.
I ran into Betty Lewis at the Rite Aid today...
...honey, and I must say, I liked it so much better when it was Thrifty's.
I mean, they've rearranged the whole place in the most inappropriate manner.
Actually, I've been thinking of speaking to the management about it.
What do you think, Bob?
About what?
Honey, at the Rite Aid! Please, Bob, the situation.
Grandma's here.
Please, Bob. Please.
Jenny, that's not funny. Your grandma's dead.
- She's allowed to visit. - I don't want this. I do not want this.
I don't like it, Bob.
I really don't like it.
- Please. - Honey...
What's the matter with you? You know she's sensitive about Grandma.
Why would you do something like that?
One last time, the sweaters are four steps.
Each arm first...
The shirts are nine steps, but we'll do them once you can do sweaters.
Fold the body in, and up, and it's folded.
You're beyond anal.
- One must be organised. - Number one on my list.
Well, number one on my list is don't mock me.
Number two on my list is remember to stay back here, please.
A man who really knows how to live.
He's set in his ways. Please don't make him this semester's science project.
And get in the back, before he sees you.
Can I help you with anything?
- Is there something I can help you with? - No, just looking.
Finest material in the store.
I'm not a mugger, I work here. Why else would I be in this nice clothing store?
Oh, your eyes are that blue!
Oh, my God. There's this suit here with a blue tinge running through it.
It'd be totally groovy with your eyes.
- Groovy? - Oh, groovy's back. Check it out, man.
What do you think? So you have the yellow shirt...
It's nice?
- My God, funky stuff. - It's nice.
- Next time, ask first. - Yes. Yes, sir.
If you're not going to stay in the back, which clearly you're not...
It's clean, it's spick and span. There's nothing more I can do. All right?
This may seem easy, but for every suit you sell,
you're going to send thirty customers running out of this store screaming.
If you want to sell, you have to look the part.
Dress me.
The last time I had this much weird fun was with the fire engine-red crayon.
I look like a Republican.
You're no Republican.
Thanks for being so cooperative.
Thanks for the clothes. I'll pay you back.
I'm not worried about it. Goodnight.
Night.
Thank you.
You all right?
- Are you OK? - Yeah.
- D'you need a ride home? - Sure.
- You don't have a car? - It didn't start this morning.
You thirsty?
No, not really.
You bought me clothes, I'll buy you a coffee.
It's all right.
We can talk about my big promotion with boss man.
Actually, it's almost nine o'clock.
Nine. So?
I'm usually home by nine.
What happens at nine?
I turn into the same person I am.
Go ahead.
Excuse me.
- This is your hang, huh? - Yeah.
Never would've guessed.
You should get a spider coffee with cream, it's really good.
- Hey, J. What's up? - Hey.
- What'll it be? - Two number sevens.
Actually, I just want a Sanka.
A Sanka?
- Anything decaffeinated. - OK.
Aren't you looking backwards?
Life looks better that way.
So, are your parents divorced?
Very fucking divorced.
Any brothers or sisters?
Just my cat.
Do you have a copy of The Bell Jar by your bed?
Yeah.
Earlier on, when I was taking the trash out the back,
I lifted the lid of the dumpster and got hit on the head by a paper airplane.
I read it. I'm sorry, I didn't know it wasn't meant for me.
- Is this a suicide note? - Yeah.
Don't worry, it's not for now. I want to see if The Sopranos all kill each other.
Well, that's good to know.
Otherwise I would keep you on at the store on a temporary basis.
That's funny.
You should do that more often.
Do what more often, joke around?
I don't think so. People might get the wrong idea.
What, that you're happy? What's that anyway?
I'm not the one to ask.
Know what I think? I think happy's fucking overrated.
I mean, my mom's always happy, she's got this stupid smile on her face
and she's singing and it's just disgusting.
So you don't think she's really happy?
Would you be, with me as your only child?
That's a good point.
I have to tell you, I don't think this is the least bit attractive.
And I think this is going to get you on the cover of GQ.
All right.
You thinking of fucking me?
Is there a bathroom here, or do you go right on the floor?
Right there.
Leave it.
I can't believe I just asked my boss that.
He could be my dad.
I don't want another dad, I don't even like the one I have.
I want a lover.
I like that word.
Lover.
Lover... My lover's in the bathroom getting coffee out of his nose.
Yeah. Whatever.
My lover.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
So, are you ready to be a salesperson?
Yeah.
Sure. Fun.
I'm getting tired, so I'm gonna run.
Mind if I take you home now?
No, I'll hang.
- I can walk home from here. - OK.
- Sorry about your nose. - Don't worry about it.
- Tomorrow we sell. - Great. I won't fuck up.
Do you know the Boy Who Cried Wolf story?
There was this little boy and all day long he cried, "Wolf is coming."
But there was no wolf.
Then one day, the wolf came and nobody believed him.
It just had no meaning.
I'd reconsider the use of the fuck word.
Goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow.
Goodnight.
Did your dad leave?
My lover.
They have a noise ordinance in Century City.
Honey, you're doing windows! You didn't tell me you were doing windows.
And you're wearing a dress! I'm so proud.
- Go home, Mom. - I'm proud of you.
Oh, no. Please, leave me alone.
Baby. Oh, my goodness, you look so beautiful.
- Go home. - I came to take you to lunch.
What do you say? Bob and I eat at...
If you leave right now, I'll have dinner with you.
- I'm on my break now. - Pardon me. How do you do?
You work with Jennifer. She is my daughter.
You're the infamous mother.
R, Mom. Mom, R.
R is my boss and he really doesn't like me to have distractions.
- It's so nice of you to hire Jennifer... - OK, look...
- I'll meet you at that new restaurant. - She's a wonderful girl, very brave.
I value her more than I can tell you.
Excuse me, Randall? Hi.
- Can you come out for a second? - Hi, how are you?
I'm coming out. Listen, don't be a stranger here. Come by more often.
- Thank you. It's so nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
Did you hear that? He's so lovely and genuine. He reminds me of somebody.
Who is it I'm thinking of?
Honey, who is it? You know him, too.
No. I mean, you don't want a carrot?
- Jen, let's just have dinner. - I have to get back to work.
Would you please promise me that you'll come to dinner?
- Then we could celebrate. Promise? - I promise.
I just want to say one more time,
you look so beautiful in that dress.
- You OK? - I'm good.
- You look great. - You think so?
Yeah, I do.
I'm being rude.
Let me offer you something. I don't have a lot, but I can...
Oh, my God!
What is that?
- Oh, my... - I've gotta go back to work.
Thank you, I had a nice...
You are a shitty window dresser.
Who told you you could do the windows anyway?
Ooh, you said "shitty".
I am not in the mood for this side of you.
Fine.
I thought we were somewhat in sync and had some communication.
I extend my friendship, and you just step on it.
I trusted you. I really did, and I don't now. See?
I'll tell you something, this is bad. Whatever this is, I can't do it.
- You can trust me. - I don't.
- Can I show you something? - Just go fix the goddamn window.
Why don't you take the rest of the day off and go hang with your friends?
You do have friends, don't you?
- No, not really. - Well, who do you talk to?
- A therapist? - No, not like a therapist. Like anyone.
- You certainly don't talk to your mom. - Would you?
- What about a boyfriend? - No.
- Is that silicone lips your girlfriend? - No.
And I'm asking the questions now, thank you.
You know, I'm really curious about this. Who are your friends?
- You? - Me? I'm forty-nine years old!
I'm seventeen, nice to meet you.
- Who are your friends? - Not now.
- Who? - Don't worry.
- I got lots of people, plenty of people. - No!
You have piles of magazines, not people. You read all the time, right?
It's the first thing you do when you wake up alone, the last thing you do at night.
You communicate with articles, not humans.
So can I show you something, please?
What?
Who did that?
Me.
Why?
Lack of alternatives.
If you hate living at home that much, get your own apartment.
- I'm kind of broke. - But now you have a really good job.
I've had it for like a minute.
Well...
You might have the kind of boss
who would consider giving you an advance.
Given my special talent for window dressing?
No, because he might be leaning towards the trust situation.
All right.
If we're going to try this friendship thing, you need to make me a promise.
Do I get one in return?
Yeah, that's fair.
I want you to promise you'll never hurt yourself like that again.
I'll try.
What's yours?
I reserve the right to redeem mine at a later date.
OK.
- Watch it, asshole. - All righty.
Come on, I love this song.
Give it a chance.
Ooh, Mom flash. Disgusting.
This is classic stuff, it grows on you.
Yeah. Good music, my turn. My music.
I'm sharing my taste with you and you're torturing me with yours.
I'm the one being tortured here.
What do they call your music? "Crap to Swoon to"?
Fine. Another one of your favourites?
It's not for me.
Oh, right. Sure.
- Getting down to your funky stuff, sir? - No.
- I read you. - No, her arm was broken.
This is for young people. I didn't know that.
You said two o'clock, anal dude. You're never late.
Well, sometimes I am late. Is that all right with you?
What was wrong with it?
- It's on the first floor. - So?
You can't just pretend life won't get you.
Take precautions so you'll live a long time.
What makes you think I want to live a long time?
That isn't funny. It's not funny.
OK, I'm sorry.
I like this one.
It's on the top floor. So I can grasp all of life that I can.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
- No what? - I'm sorry, but I have my preferences.
What kind of preferences?
No tattoos, piercings or potential for loud hip-hop.
- I hate hip-hop. - She hates hip-hop.
And the tattoos aren't even real. And this phase shall also pass.
This is a highly intelligent girl.
She's an incredible poet, one day she'll be very famous.
And, you know, famous people know other famous people.
You'll look out your window one morning and who's that who's visiting her? It's...
- Regis Philbin. - Yeah.
- Regis? She's gonna know Regis? - And other people, too.
Movie stars... Keanu Reeves.
- Oh. Who's she? - She sometimes guests on Regis.
She's a good guest.
I'll take it.
- Just like that? - I'm like that.
- Don't you have any questions? - Yes.
Will you christen the place with me?
What do you mean by "christen"?
Dance with me.
- I can't do that. - Why not?
Well, there isn't any music.
If I'm ever gonna dance, I need my music.
Well, if you listen very carefully, you can hear it.
What do you mean, "if you build it they will come"?
What?
I don't hear anything.
So, is this good for your daughter?
My daughter loves the place.
I can't believe I'm getting my own apartment. It's so grown-up.
When will you tell your parents?
- Why don't you tell them? - Yeah, right.
"A home is a place where you keep your socks.
"And socks are for keeping everything warm." That's my grandma.
Come on, share something with me. I just impersonated my dead grandma.
Speak.
I was married once. About nineteen years ago.
- How long were you married? - Two years.
Her name was Sara.
She used to put baby powder in all of her shoes.
We had this brown shag carpet in the house. She'd walk around
and leave these white footprints everywhere.
It was like being married to Casper.
Was she pretty?
She had nice feet.
Did you love her?
Why do you hate your family?
I don't hate them. I'm just happy I'm not them, you know?
Hate's an emotion. I'm not good with emotional stuff.
No emotion.
I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of?
Ben, three's the number. You have sixty seconds, let's begin.
- What breed of dog is Snoopy? - Airedale.
- Beagle. - Yes. What nation has a green flag?
- Libya. - Yes. US businessman Fred Smith...
Damn, this guy knows everything.
You scared me.
Look at you, in this beautiful green top.
- You match the Jell-O. - I have to talk to you.
- Do you want some? - No. Mom, I have to talk to you.
OK? Is that all right?
Sure. I think I know what this is about.
You're not used to dresses that reveal your figure, and you have a lovely figure.
- But all you need is a good bra. - It has nothing to do with that.
Did you know there are women in the stores who fit bras?
- It's just support. - I'm moving into my own apartment.
Really?
That's so nice.
Hey, Dad. What are you doing?
Hey, Jen. The winds came in last night and trashed my fries.
How you doing, girl? It's been a while.
A while.
That's a great song.
Yeah. Very groovy. I didn't know you liked that kind of music.
- Is there anything you know about me? - Yeah.
You're working in a clothes store, you have fewer holes in your head.
You're getting your own apartment. You're not talking to your mother.
I know you hate me, and I know I don't blame you for it.
Impressive. The human has brain cells.
So, did you just come by to make me more miserable, or what?
Oh, poor baby.
Hey, J. You're my daughter and I love you.
But cut the crap, I'm still your father.
And I deserve an iota of respect.
- Why should I respect you? - Fuck it.
So, how did it go with your parents?
- Fabulous. - Sounds like it.
Is that a sack lunch?
It's for you.
I don't want a sack lunch with my lunch.
It's a present for you.
- Wow, thank you. - Put it on?
- Here? - I see somebody you know!
- All right. Hold this. - I'll guard you.
- Can you hold that? - I've got that.
- Bitchin'! - Does it look good?
- It kicks ass. - Thank you.
So, what do you want to do now?
No.
- Come on. - No!
A small one, nobody'll notice.
Listen very carefully. I am not getting a fucking tattoo.
- Ooh, you said the really bad word. - Yeah, I did.
I am, in fact, the boy who cried fuck.
I want the smallest tattoo you can make.
A dot or a period, or something like that.
Does it come in a flesh tone?
Very, very, very small.
Oh, Jesus.
I got a scorpion.
That's it.
- All right, I'm getting out of here. - Why?
- What's going on? - Nothing. This is insane.
- What's your problem? - I can't do this.
- Why? - I can't.
- Can't what? Loosen up? - Not with you.
Sorry I made you have a good time. You obviously can't cope.
Why can't you tell me what your problem is?
I don't care, I give up. I don't even like you any more. You're pathetic.
You know the front door is open.
Where do you think you live, Knots Landing?
We can't be friends, I'm sorry.
What do you mean? You just want to shut the entire world out?
- I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. - You have to leave.
- I don't have what you need. - You don't know what I need.
You don't know anybody. What's wrong with you?
- I'm old. I'm George Burns. - Who's George Burns?
I'm Uncle Fester. I'm Andy of Mayberry. Mr Roper, Grandpa Munster.
- OK, I get it. - OK, good, then leave.
No! What are you so afraid of, huh?
I'm afraid of everything.
- What's everything? - I don't know, everything!
I can't fly. I can't be on a boat or a train. Any transportation, I can't do that.
I don't like being in a car!
I don't take elevators.
Crowded places drive me crazy, but uncrowded places make me crazy.
I'm afraid of prescription drugs.
They won't do it in front of you. They go in the back, they're doing something.
I'm afraid of falling asleep.
I don't even understand the expression.
Why falling? Where are you falling? It's just so...
I don't know...
I always wished I had a button on my neck that I could push and be asleep.
So I just lie there and I hate it.
I hate it.
What did I leave out? Oh, yeah...
...I'm not that crazy about waking up.
You know, there's a lot of people that have a fear of clowns.
Isn't that funny?
See, that doesn't bother me.
I'm afraid of clowns.
Why can't you be like other kids?
Stand in line at clubs, smoke cigars, dance,
experiment with bisexuality. You know, teenage stuff.
Come on, we're trying somebody new tonight.
Mildred, I'd like to introduce you to Randall Harris of the Harrises.
Hi, Mildred, how are you? Silly question.
She might be shy. I don't tend to bring guests.
Sure.
- Why do you do this? - Energy. I can feel their energy.
A little bit of a thousand souls.
Come on, it's your turn.
- No, not just yet. - Lie down, close your eyes.
I love these slacks.
Come on.
- Don't do that. No. - Lie down.
Coming down.
Close your eyes.
- Now what? - Now you start up a conversation.
- With whom? - The person you're sitting on.
Can you feel their energy?
I feel it.
You do?
God, I really do feel it.
- Thanks for letting me crash here. - Hey, it's late. No problem. Welcome.
- Nice house. - Thank you.
So, I'm gonna put on some hot tea.
Listen, if you want to take a shower, go on upstairs. I have fresh towels.
Make yourself at home.
Right.
Thank you.
OK. So you're somewhere, and you see somebody you know.
What do you say?
I know you.
No!
Hello.
- Hey! - Hey!
All right.
You're in the store. A customer tries on a suit.
He looks quite handsome. What do you say?
Hey, dude. Funky stuff, man! Yeah!
I pray to God that's not it.
You know, in spite of what you're doing,
you should know you're very beautiful.
You think I'm beautiful.
- Wanna watch a video or something? - How about we have a staring contest?
Don't do that with me, 'cause I'll kill you.
Fine, let's see what you're made of.
Ready?
Go!
You're blinking!
Again.
- Go. - Go!
Do you want some more tea?
Oh, no!
All right. All right.
- Where are you going? - For a run.
When I get back, we have to have a little talk.
OK. Don't worry about me, I'll just go through some drawers.
Save me time, tell me where the good stuff is.
I don't have any good stuff.
- That's sad. - Oh, is it?
- And you do? - Yep.
- Where do you keep yours? - In a box under my bed.
I don't have a box under my bed.
And you're the good stuff.
I have a blue foot.
So much stuff, so little time to snoop.
Don't do it!
I have to, I just have to.
Don't do it!
I have to. Oh, I have to.
R!
Grandma?
Get up!
Help!
Somebody help!
Help me, please!
Hi, I'm Patty.
Did Randall mention any family at all to you?
No, why does he need 'em?
Well, as you probably know, he's had this for a long time.
He's very sick, and...
...the next few days are going to be critical.
I'm sorry.
So you wouldn't suggest starting any new magazine subscriptions?
I'm sorry, Randall.
I don't know what to say exactly.
But you've known all along how precarious this type of leukaemia is.
Listen...
You'll have some good days, you'll have some bad days.
When it becomes acute like this, our options are limited.
Could you hand me that bag?
We'll give you antibiotics to treat the infection.
Pain medication to keep you comfortable.
Chemotherapy is an option, but it's very risky.
There's my beauty.
- We'll see you in a little bit. - Call us if you need anything, OK?
- Hey. - Hey.
- You look good. - You don't.
Come here.
Come over here. Come here.
You didn't say "Simon says".
Simon says come here please.
So you just knew all along.
- Yeah, I did. - Well, I'm gonna use the fuck word now.
I understand.
How can you do this?
You can't be sick, right? Because you would have told me, wouldn't you?
I'm sorry.
I should've told you. I didn't tell anybody.
I never even told my wife.
Like if the words didn't come out, it wouldn't be true. Does that make sense?
So I'll just assume you're going to be OK, right?
Jennifer...
You're not going to be OK, and that really sucks.
'Cause for the first time in my excuse for a stupid life, I really, really liked it.
- I liked my life. - You still have your life.
No, I don't.
I don't have my life because I love you so much.
Wait a second, don't leave. Where are you going?
If a person's on their deathbed, you have to stay and listen. It's the hospital rule.
- I spoke to your grandmother. - Oh, bullshit.
No, it's not bullshit. You taught me how and I've been doing it.
Oh, yeah? What'd she say?
She said to stop this. Stop it!
You don't understand. You have all of these people who care about you.
- You have a family. - Oh, yeah. Great family.
So what? So they're all insane. Who cares? At least they're here.
I wish my parents were still here. I can't even call them and say, "I hate you."
You don't know how lucky you are.
- Well, I don't feel so lucky. - You won't let yourself.
You think this is why your grandmother is trying to talk to you?
Don't you think she has better stuff to do all day than get through to nobody?
You're not alone.
- Who's this talking, you or Grandma? - I don't know, we're both talking.
If it makes you feel better, it's mostly her.
- Come here. - No.
Come here. Sit down.
Would you once, just once, do something I ask you the first time?
Now close your eyes and listen.
Come on, close your eyes.
Listen...
I don't hear anything.
I care about you more than anyone else in the world.
What's that?
Morphine.
Morphine. Oh, cool.
"Dear Rand, I can't live with you in this house.
"It's like I'm living alone.
"You won't talk to me, you won't touch me. I don't know what's going on.
"But I can't live like this any more. "
Information. City and listing, please.
Albuquerque.
Sara Harris, 1 01 22 Paso Robles
Sorry, that's an unlisted number.
Shit.
You have a cousin Louise?
I'm only going to be gone for two days. OK?
- Two days? - Yeah. It'll go by really fast.
I'll call you when I'm on the road. When I get to the wedding.
- Those are chocolates for you. - Thank you.
- OK. - Have a good time.
- Hurry back. - OK. I will.
- I will hurry back so fast. - Be careful.
- I'll call you. - Wear a seat belt.
All right. So, I'll see you later.
Is there something else I can get for you, Randall?
I wouldn't mind a little company.
OK.
OK, what was I going to say?
Excuse me, Mrs Harris, I know we've never met.
You haven't seen your husband in 1 9 years, but I think you should know...
Oh, that's not good... Shit.
- Hi. - Hi.
- What do you want? - Who are you?
Excuse me? Who are you?
Does Sara Harris live here?
Tell you what, if you want information, tell me who you are.
My name's J, I'm a friend of her husband's.
That's interesting. Wanna come in for a coke?
- Do you have a phone or...chocolate? - Have a lollipop.
My name is Randy.
- Sara was my mother. - Was?
Yeah. She was in a car accident about six months ago.
Shit.
I'm sorry. That's awful.
Thanks, Twilight Zone.
Now, what husband are you talking about?
- She was married. Didn't she tell you? - Yeah, I know.
My father died before I was born.
- Did she say anything about him? - No.
- She gave me a picture, that's it. - Can I see it?
Sure.
You find out you have a dad and don't want to meet him?
- Not really. - He's dying!
You told me, and you know what? That makes it even more enticing.
You're asking me to go meet a man who'll be dead soon, right?
Hi, Dad. I'm here just in time to bury you.
- What kind of friend are you? - I love him.
- What kind of love? - He's my best friend.
Did you fuck him?
Shit.
Look. I'm a bitter asshole, OK? I have been most of my life.
I usually keep it to myself. I've lost my mother.
And now I find out I have a father who's alive but he's dying.
A lot of stuff. I'm not sure I have the right outfit to wear on Oprah.
I'm sure I can find you something.
Where did you come from? How did this happen?
I don't know if you're a good thing or the fucking plague.
Does this mean you're coming with me to meet him?
Yeah. You know what? I will go with you.
But I'm not talking to him. Or you.
- Fine. - Good.
You've been my nurse for such a long time,
but I don't know anything about you.
I'm a dick.
You're not a dick!
Believe me, I'm very familiar with dicks.
You are just a man who hasn't let anyone in his life
because he knew he was sick.
You know, you've never asked me to leave
but you've never really asked me - shall we say invited me - to stay, either.
Would you stay?
Would you ask me?
Wanna come up for lunch?
Fine, I'll eat. But I'm not talking.
We never did it, OK? He's the greatest person I've met in my whole stupid life.
Turkey and Swiss OK?
- How about twenty questions? - I may not have that much time.
- How about four questions? - OK. All right. Four.
Number one.
Do you love her?
Yes.
Is it romantic love, or is it,
you know, infatuation with youth and spirit kind of love?
- That's three questions. - Come on, I'm serious. What is it?
I don't know.
It's like...family love.
Thanks.
- How's he doing? - No change.
If he doesn't improve, they'll just send him home.
- What are you doing? - I gotta sleep.
No. Could you just get back on the road right now? Come on.
Listen. If I continue to drive, most probably a big truck will mow us down.
Then look how many dead people will be in this story.
All right.
- Coffee. - Get that away from me.
If you're not going to, let me drive. Get out of the car.
- When did you last sleep? - A few days ago...
Exactly. If I'm gonna meet this Dad guy, I get some beauty sleep.
Listen, you selfish loser asshole.
I've got to get to R, now.
I've got to be in this car for another 8 tortuous hours, so no more pit stops.
Maybe we can have one stop for a Coke and a pee.
No. We don't have enough time for a Coke and a pee.
- Maybe a pee if you're really desperate. - Shut up, Sybil.
- Sybil? - The one with 8 home phone numbers.
It's not such a bad thing. A plethora of personalities can be very enchanting.
- Fuck you. - Fuck you.
- Fuck all eight of you.
Leave me alone, please.
Hey. Hey, hey.
What?
Wake up. What's wrong?
What's your want?
Why don't you help me stay awake? We'll play a little game, all right?
Yeah?
Soda can.
All right, that was easy.
- Chocolate. - That was good.
Shit! What the hell?!
So, when was the last time you were in a serious relationship?
A long time ago. I'm not a good relationship person.
You speak for the world.
He's checked out. They said he can spend the time he has left at home.
You're gonna love him.
What am I doing? I cannot believe I'm doing this right now.
Believe it, it's your reality.
- Hurry up now. - Oh, my God.
- I hate this fucking song. - Oh, my God.
Oh, shit.
R, I'd like to introduce you to your son.
- Son. - Son?
- Son. - Dad!
- Come in. - You don't even know who it is.
- I knew it was you. - So silicone lips doesn't knock?
I'm sorry. I understand.
Well... I'm three quarters through the understanding stage.
But it hurts me though, you know?
And it's not good pain.
Not that there ever was good pain. I used to think so, but I don't now.
- Ramble, ramble... - Please. I get it.
Come here. Sit down.
I missed you.
- Did you? - Yes, I did.
I missed you, too.
It's a good thing, this missing stuff.
- Thanks for the present. - You're welcome.
- What's he like? - He's kinda like you.
- He's an asshole? - No, worse than that.
He's a pathetic, loser asshole.
That's my boy.
- So, you like him. - No!
- Are you mental? - Totally.
- I've gotten down with it, I've boogied. - OK, Shaft.
Excuse me.
I hear my mother calling.
Sorry about the timing.
I don't think the first apology should be coming from you.
- I wish I could've known you. - Yeah.
- All right. Well, I don't do drugs. - I do.
- I don't know. I failed algebra. - It's OK. I failed your mother.
Yeah. She told me you were dead.
It's true, I was.
- Did she ever talk about me? - No.
- Can I ask you something? - Sure.
What are we supposed to talk about?
Damned if I know.
I'm a fucking father, I don't know what to say.
I'll leave you money for therapy.
And for college.
I want you to go to college. It's really important, OK?
- Did you? - Yes.
What did you learn?
Give me a second, I'll think of it.
What is going on with you?
What do you mean?
You're sitting here, talking to me. You don't do that.
I know. I'm sorry.
Honey, what's wrong?
- I'd like to be a better daughter. - Sweetie, are you pregnant?
No.
And...
And I'd like to be your friend.
I'd like to know a lot of things about you.
I know that you are embarrassed and ashamed of me.
Oh, baby, no. I never said that. No.
I really, really need to talk to you about the things that matter to me.
OK?
So...
- So, that was rap. - Yep.
Well, I thought it was nice.
Come, I'll show you how to talk to Grandma.
- I do not know how you do this. - I'll teach you.
Well, Grandma says "hi".
Take care of R for me, Grandma. Teach him to dance.
Honey...
Should you be smoking that now?
Oh, man.
Come on, I think tonight will be fun.
Fun?
Fun was dropping acid in the sixties.
Fun was streaking at my sister's prom.
Fun was staging a sit-in at a titty bar on Sunset. This...
This is very bad Fellini we're entering into.
Tell me something. Did you and J ever...?
No, no. The answer is no.
- Why don't you tell me something? - Tell you what?
Tell me how you're going to look after her when I'm gone.
I want you to know, as far as dads go, you probably would've been all right.
Probably.
So, you really wanted this dinner?
Hey, I'm dying. How bad could it be?
- Excellent...peas. - I love peas.
It's so delicious.
Tasty.
Sorry, man.
You want to dance with me?
- Pre-Beatles. - Oh, I love this song.
Thank you so much for this evening.
You're welcome.
You remember that promise you owe me?
I do.
Promise me when you're gone you'll send a message so I know you're OK.
I promise.
If you promise me your father won't touch anything.
Mrs Benson, would you like to dance?
Would you like to...dance?
Sure.
Afraid I'm not very good.
- Groovy. - Yeah.
What's up with you and the dying guy?
I only sleep with unavailable men.
Look at that.
You must feel pretty proud of yourself.
It's just one of those small but enormous things.
Aristocrats.
Fucking aristocrats.
- I can't tell jokes, I can't remember. - Wait. Tell that other one...
- Jesus Christ! - An absolutely true story...
OK. Now.
I'd like to propose a toast.
To all the special F words.
To friends....
...family...
...fate...
...forgiveness...
...and forever.
Thank you, honey.
Death touched her lips to say goodbye.
And to always remember the man who touched her first.
Touched her with his heart
that is forever hers.
My first mister.
A man of few words.
A life of more questions than answers.
He awoke in me my heart,
which beats stronger because of him
and all that he has left me.
I think it's time I got out of the eulogy business.
Done by (c) dCd / December 2017